XCOM: Enemy Unknown is Definitely a Perfectly Balanced Masterpiece

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“So hang on let me get this straight boris johnson just got killed by the the aliens. Which caused gordon brown to panic who then shot margaret thatcher in the of the head oh man thank goodness we finally moved on to fighting aliens cuz. After my last several videos. The un was starting to take notice after all it s not like the aliens ever signed the geneva convention hi.

I m val fiske and welcome to xcom enemy unknown everyone s favorite alien removal simulator today. We are going to start a new single player campaign. Where we are going to play on impossible difficulty with ironman on now of course. The reason i m doing this is because as you will know from watching my channel.

I am a strategic mastermind. And i am definitely not going to die on maybe. The first mission probably the second mission here no no no no this is definitely gonna go all the way through the campaign. Definitely not gonna lose i promise oh damn and here we go we re we re into like the tutorial here already this is fast.

Oh my god it s the aliens how did they get across the border you see guys. This is why the wall is never gonna work because they re just gonna get here in a flying saucer and it s not gonna matter anyway. Alright now i have an idea and it may be it may be a stupid idea but if this works it ll it ll be fantastic we re gonna rush this guy forward and we re gonna lob a frag grenade right into there that does three damage now we re gonna take this other person rush forward and lob a second frag grenade right into these two guys. Which should kill them off.

And then kill. This third. Guy. Oh yeah.

Oh yeah. I forgot you re supposed to keep. The guns. Intact.

For research. Later a shit. We re not done. Though this isn t over there s more of them here alright so where are they hiding where are these guys i m gonna play this cautiously because i mean i know this is on the hardest difficulty.

But i really don t want to die on like the tutorial level here up there they are all right. There s only two of them left. This is fine. We re fine get him boy wow.

His accuracy was so good he managed to shoot that alien through the wall can i hold on a minute. I just about can okay if this grenade gets rid of the cover haha. There we go and now he s got no cover and now we should be able to take him down all right if this shot lands. We get out with no casualties if you miss somebody s gonna die.

And you fucking. Missed of course you missed good job excellent job. Oh shit. Oh.

My god this there s three more of them on the other side. We re completely exposed. I m gonna lose the tutorial. Oh no oh shit rest in peace that guy s dead yep.

There goes one what did i say i said if you missed the shot everybody dies and what did you do you miss the shot and now everybody s going into a panic. All is he gonna land this oh and he does fantastic alright. We may be able to drag this back from the the jaws of defeat here all right this is fine. We ve only had one casualty.

So far. No problems. Here whatsoever. Oh fuck.

Oh bye wasn t it happened. If you didn t. Miss fuck. This is bad over down to two two guys here oh and that guy s dead as well we re down to one one man left well i can t revive you because.

This is a rookie who has no equipment so i don t know what you want me to do game. We re kind of stuffed oh. That s it oh okay. So i just lost.

I lost entirely fantastic alright. So i have no idea how many times. I m gonna have to redo this mission. So what i m gonna do is just cut to the part.

Where i can play the game. Ah. All right so two attempts later we have finally finished this tutorial without losing any operatives. It s fine.

This is all fine let s just skip the cutscene alright. So we have a sniper assault in his support and then one who just didn t get promoted. But none of this right none of this matters until i make my dream team alright so jimmy give me 5 10 minutes. And i m gonna make a hell of a just the finest xcom squad.

You will ever see alright so we re back. I have finished my changes to our roster. And i have a couple things i want to say before you see it we we have the issue with xcom right is unless i want to go out and mod. It which i m not because this is a an intro xcom video.

We re not putting mods on meaning. I can t change the national flag or the gender of the person. Which is unfortunate for the theme. You ll see i have here in a moment because as with the last skyrim video.

I did i have decided to go with past and present british politicians as my my theme here so we have squaddie gordon brown. Who as we all know is american theresa may who s clearly chinese. We have tony blair margaret thatcher. We have jeremy corbyn nicola sturgeon thankfully.

I got that that nationality is correct boris johnson also correct nationality wise arlene foster. That s a bit of a sketchy joke. There with with that flag. But you know well we go with what we can get john major.

Angela merkel. Is in here. As well..


Benjamin. Disraeli. Ironically is a egyptian sniper and adolf hitler. You know the famous british politician.

Who is belgian funnily enough right well that is these are the squads. We have so we re gonna go with these guys until every last. One of them is dead or i give up whichever comes first. Oh here we go abduction sites already right well.

We re gonna go with the one that gives us money because as an international anti alien organization. We are going to go for the money okay so who are who are we gonna take with us on this one unfortunately benjamin and adolf for both moon. So they ll have to stay off. We can take gordon brown.

Who will be our only squatty for this mission and let s also take margaret thatcher. Boris johnson and nicola sturgeon. Yeah. Yeah.

This is fine. Oh shit it just occurred to me that i made med kits. And i forgot to put them on the units. Oh well i m sure we re not gonna need any med kits that that s fine all right lads here.

We go. It s time time to take back britain will put. Margaret thatcher on overwatch will put nicola sturgeon over here put her on overwatch gordon brown over here on overwatch and boris. Johnson.

You re gonna get to do a suicide death run please get killed please get killed oh look he s gonna get killed my apologies to boris johnson. But he might not make it out of this one alive. I m afraid. Oh oh oh okay go back go back.

Here hold on a minute. Did. Wait. No where am.

I okay hold on a second so. The aliens. One tapped boris johnson from across the way it causes. Gordon brown to panic and kill.

Margaret. Thatcher by shooting her in the back of the head god this is so bad. We re gonna lose all four of these. It s just nicola sturgeon in a panic.

Stu gordon. Brown. Left. Now ah yes.

Go nicola. Get that reaction shot and and you missed that s not good that car s gonna send fire oh this there s way too many of them there s no way we re gonna get out of this alive. Okay we need to just extract and get out of here. Now.

There is no way these two can take these guys on on their own. I m sorry america. But there s nothing we can do okay wait how do i how do i leave again soldiers outside at the extraction zone. If we abort now all soldiers outside the extractions and we ll be lost way so.

What is what is the extraction zone. Because i can see the plane is like there right how do i get to it though holy shit my genuinely screwed i m just gonna we re just gonna have to hold our ground apparently there s no there s no survival for anyone in this game. All right nicola. Give your best and and you miss this is so bad.

We re gonna end up losing all four of our guys here. I can feel it why did i choose to play this on impossible and ironman. I ve never even beaten this game on normal for fuck s sake. Oh gordon brown is hit.

Oh shit. No gordon no gordon. Oh. My god oh he just flew off into the stratosphere.

There where did he go. This is it we re down. We re down to nicola sturgeon. Come on nicola ah come on you haven t miss.

You haven t landed. A single shot. Yet come on oh nicholas hit. She s alive.

Though she took a hit. But she s okay come on nicola. If you die now. We can t have a second independents vote come on holy shit.

Look. How many five one two three four. Yeah. This five alright.

Let s let s try reloading. Oh. You ve got to be fucking. Kidding.

Me. So the reason. I wasn t trying to extract right is because there was no extraction zone. So i thought oh maybe this is one of those missions that doesn t let you leave no.

All i had to do was reload the game. And i could have just left gordon brown. Didn t have to die..


Oh. It s fine. Nicola sturgeon will at least live oh no no no no no no please please. Nicola nicola i believe in you come on get out of there oh my god i m sorry la.

But that said. There s no way panic in the united states. I m sorry panic in germany panic in argentina yep. It s going well for a first day on the job.

So we ve lost. Margaret thatcher. Who was killed by gordon brown. Boris johnson who got one tapped from across the map.

And then gordon brown himself who just got he just got killed. Nicola sturgeon. At least she made it out it could have been worse and we re gonna hire four more soldiers we re gonna get four replacements for the for the guys we ve lost. So far alright.

So we ve added benjamin disraeli jr. Mary lou macdonald of ash in vain. Vince cable from the liberal democrats and of course putin because well i mean i saw. A russian guy who else was like in a pic uh.

Oh. Oh. We ve got a ufo take him down supper fie. Oh oh shit.

We got it yeah. Whoo. We actually did something guys. We actually did something for once in our lives and this time around we re gonna take benjamin disraeli.

Because he is back in active duty. We re gonna take jeremy corbyn. Theresa may and who else ah hitler was wounded by one day. He was one day off damn.

It all right we ll take tony blair as well all right now we re gonna play this slow and sneaky cuz. I don t want to lose three british politicians this time okay gonna take this nice and easy theresa may move up go onto overwatch jeremy corbyn. You take the left flank will put big ben over here. And tony blair.

You can take the right flank all right guys easy. Does it i i don t want to rush into things here all right let s move benjamin up to the high ground wouldn t be the first time. I ve been has taken the high ground up. There they are corbin s taking a reaction shot.

Oh. Holy shit. I m fucking. Done.

Jeremy that was really impressive. Wow. Okay. I m impressed oh theresa may taking a reaction shot all.

But she doesn t get the kill all right theresa may finish him off ah come on damn. She missed that shot harder than she missed passing her deal all right we re playing cautious. I don t want to lose anybody this time well i mean i guess we could lose theresa may nothing of value would really be lost. There right where did they go that one other alien just scarpered off he s gone all right.

Mr. Blair. It s time to knock on heaven s door open it up open up its the police. Oh god oh god they have those energy.

Things. This isn t good all right. We got it we got to save the primary power source. We need something to fuel britain after we lose connection to the eu grid.

All right finish him off tony. Get. Him. Hell.

Yeah. Oh oh. He s going for the snipe. Oh.

Tony blair is hit. And he s panicked and we lost him he s gone alright that s fine. I said we weren t going to lose anyone. But it s fine we re fine alright we need to get closer we have we have nothing back here.

But i don t want to risk going in because. We re just gonna lose everyone if we try that. Oh oh. No oh no aayla alright.

Well there. He goes. Theresa. May.

She s gone in one hit alright. So that just leaves. Benjamin disraeli and jeremy corbyn. Now alright.

Come on ben take. The shot alright here comes. Jeremy corbyn. Opposition s revenge.

Oh. He missed oh. Man..


Helpless. Oh. Oh no oh no oh and then there was one oh this is not good we re gonna lose we re gonna lose everyone on this mission again alright he s bad to hit one to be shot sunday. Oh speaking of which there he goes alright benjamin disraeli versus three aliens who will win we re going to take this one step at a time we re gonna inch closer.

We re gonna get him at close range alright there they are i think these are the last two guys if we can take them down. We can finally win one mission and that s that s all i really want to do here. Is when a single mission all right 35 chance to see if we can land it oh and he does it s not a kill. But three damage is three damage come on ben come on for the glory of the british empire.

Let s bring this back. Oh. Oh wait wait wait. But now right this guy has that now linked with that guy so if we take this one out it kills.

The other one alright go for the head shot come on oh come on are they re not they re not firing back. They think they just keep doing the mind link thing over and over again come on land a shot come on alright. It seems. If we just sit here.

And don t move and just keep trying to land this shot. Which we should eventually land they re not even gonna fight back so. The question is what s gonna happen first are they gonna move or are we gonna actually land the shot. Oh yes come on ben yes finally oh we landed it yes.

Oh. My god we did it. We won a mission. Oh we actually won i mean yeah that we had heavy casualties.

But that that s to be expected you know that s to be expected so jeremy corbyn theresa may and tony blair world killed. But benjamin disraeli is now up to six kills and has survived two separate missions like damn ease good oh. We ve got a transmission from the council. Oh looks like a friend of the council in mexico is under attack and for this mission.

We re gonna bring adolf hitler finally back in service. Benjamin disraeli. Are our main boy nicola sturgeon. And who else all right you know what let s let s bring putin with us.

I think i think that black belt in karate might come in handy all right let s do it this mission right. This mission. It s gonna go off without a hitch. I promise all right let s take this slow go.

And hitler move in oh. There they are okay. I don t see any of them. Yet.

This is kind of worrying up. There they are all right we got three sec toys and they re all over. There all right hitler get in there and find the package. We need to get him out of here.

Oh there we go two more enemies over there. Oh just really taking a shot. Oh. He makes it that s one down got.

Benjamin disraeli is a beast. Oh boy. We got. Finn.

Men. Oh. Shit. And putin s hit.

And dead. Oh. Oh. Careful hitler.

Oh. Oh. No. The cars on fire.

We. Need to get hitler out of there before it s too late hitler no no hitler oh. Oh god damn. It mike.

Why does this always happen to me all right we re down to nicola sturgeon. And benjamin disraeli. Who had both survived one mission. Oh nice job.

Nicola goddamn. That was good. Oh. Those guys.

Are dead. Oh. Nicola. Please.

No. Nicola. Oh. No oh oh.

That s. Another mission. And other. Three dead politicians.

And were once again left with benjamin disraeli. He survived three missions. I think he has seven confirmed kills this guy he s our hero..


He is the survivor. I believe in him he can do this i believe oh come on big. Ben come on oh. Okay.

They they poisoned. Me. Shit. Benjamin disraeli.

Better get shanked right here. Oh. He missed. How do you miss that so he kills like two different people from a long range.

But the moment benjamin disraeli is up close no he s fine. There we go the show this should work fine yes nailed it alright. Remember the only objective of the mission now is to get thomas hutch and get him out of here. It doesn t matter about killing.

Everything. We just need to get him out and we win. The mission. It s fine.

And he should just be down. There oh yeah. There he is alright. But we re not gonna get to this guy.

If we re not careful. Oh should we just triggered. Overwatch. Oh.

Okay we re good he missed. He missed listen. This guy. He s gonna have to run there s not much we can do for him.

We re just gonna have to hope. He lives. Oh shit. Oh.

My god there s so many of them this is fine. This is fine. This is fine no no problems. This is fine.

Oh no oh no no no no. Oh invincible. Ben. Benjamin disraeli.

Finest sniper in the land. Oh for fuck s sake. They got more of them look worthy where are they coming from there s so many of them my god it s a third one so they have what like five sector pods sector pod sorry that s not the right unit sectoid. They ve got like five of them.

And then another three thin man. Just appeared out of nowhere take him down. Benjamin hell. Yeah.

Alright go stand on hitler s dead. Body. And let s hope. You don t die.

Oh. No. Oh no no huts. No oh fuck.

So now. It s just retreat. We just have to get out of here now but now that we re down in the pit. The odds aren t good i m just that s all i m.

Saying. The odds are not good for benjamin here. Oh fuck. Oh okay.

We re good he missed. I got another sectoid. Moving in oh. They missed again benjamin disraeli.

The invincible man fuck where do we go from here because we can t sprint. All the way we can there. Oh shit overwatch come on ben no oh one health bend is on one health. Okay we got to get we got to get you out of here this can t be it for benjamin disraeli.

You can t don t fail now come on bend. This you ve got so much to live for you can t do this. Oh shit hey. What that s not allowed say.

Super cheers is he gonna hit me. Oh fuck. Oh. No that s it we lost him and on that very sad note.

Thank you guys for watching and i ll see you next time please leave an f for benjamin disraeli down in the comments. He was the real hero here he didn t let me down. I i let him down music. ” .


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