The Office (US) – S06E17 – The Delivery (Deleted Scenes) (Re-Upload)

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“What have we here. I don t know what that is oh touche jim. It it s actually a lever connected to a ceiling tile. When you pull it i you know he d be looking up.

And i d have time to i am rusty and a pie come on i m better than that it s probably you know it s all the kid stuff getting ready for the no there s no excuse man this used to come so easy kevin you re such a gourmand. I cooked my way through julia child s cookbook and now i m halfway through the twilight cookbook last night. I had edwards cornflake chicken hmm. Pregnant.

Pam and i we get hungry at the same times. So we ve been eating together a lot not all meals. But second breakfast lunch second lunch and first dinner. It s really fun i used to get her on the phone for bed meal.

What jim put a stop to that i thought that maybe we should do something special for early dinner. One last trapeze mmm sounds. Great what are you thinking. I think you should be a surprise hmm get in there huh.

No no i still have time remember is it a boy or girl um. I recall deciding not to find out aren t you special well if it s a boy. I met this guy at paintball who is a circumcision artist he does all of joe biden s grandkids. If you my name i get 25 bucks.

I ll give you 5 hmm yeah we already have a paintball circumcision guy is gonna give you 5 bucks. What s a circumcision peanuts or walnuts walnuts puppies or kittens puppies cashews or brazil nuts cashews europe or ten minutes on the moon. I don t pistachios or macadamia contraptions contracting. All right all right.

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It is baby time shall i scrub up no no one s gonna scrub up coz. It s not baby time. It is however baby ruth time pregnant coworkers. So drop everything i know as no one is commenting on my new height.

I am your due dates not until friday right right how accurate are those due dates 100. Wow. Pam may be about to give birth and if i understand anything about the cycle life and i do that means somebody dies. I think we all know whose numbers have time to get my affairs in order so wish me luck.

My friends as i go gently into that good night let s go let s go hospital. Okay okay we re not going to the hospital. We are waiting until midnight whoo spooky. But why because the insurance company only covers two nights.

Yeah so if we wait tell me night. We get an extra day. What s another day going to get you knowledge oscar. Let s say they re sent home before they learn i don t know proper spanking technique speed power aim noise knuckles spank noise go to the hospital.

Okay nobody wants to smell your stupid baby being born i don t want to smell it i don t want to see it i don t want anything that reminds me of childbirth look up the word episiotomy okay. Everything s fine. We have plenty of time my role in the birth of this child is that of the boss within that there is none of the pain as associated with the mother s role. There is none of the responsibility.

Which is associated with the father s role. But in many cultures. The boss really plays no role at all in childbirth. Oh hasn t gone ryan well if our counts is entertainment.

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I could read a poem i wrote oh yeah buddy shut up any similarities to real persons or events. Are very intentional plastic love you let me in your bed. But now i sleep alone trapped with the forgotten it might detritus home. I hope you re happy now i hope it every day in case.

You didn t figure it out yet. I m the doll. You threw away laughter. Yeah.

Well you just said. You wrote. It i never said. I wrote it.

Yeah. You did say. I never said why would i said i wrote it i checked the tape. I never said i wrote it i i never said that i want you to have this creed.

This is mine. It is where i m going i won t be needing it i could have you arrested can t arrest a ghost. What else do you have affirmed seattle slew secretariat citation assault countly whirlaway war admiral omaha gallant fox and i know this the jockey was johnny loftus sired by star shoots. I can name all 11 triple crown winning horses one day.

I m going to recite them from the steps of the chrysler building omaha gallant fox and erin come on you can do this yes. I can i know this ah. The jockey was johnny loftus sired by star shoots. I can t remember section five a child shall be male.

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I cannot control that you can t put that in here and as you can know. It s as simple as keeping the womb extremely warm for two days after sex and then extremely cold for five months. I cannot have schrute farms run by a girl. The oxen won t stand for it well.

I will not teach another boy to french braid not again not after what happened to my brother yes with the right gentleman. I would consider a situation where i would conceive a child out of wedlock and it would be okay. Because i know i m a good person. Unlike all this lets her do it.

Yes. I have chosen angela martin s uterus for my offspring. She is of age and is capable of achieving the proper viscosity levels needed to induce insemination also we work together. So there s the whole convenience factor like most couples pam and i have that one person that we re allowed to hook up with if the opportunity ever arises.

Cameron diaz. And hers coincidentally enough was clarke from hospital. That s my cue delivery wasn t so man you wow. Well no.

I just mean a wonderful ending. Okay murf get in here. We did not handle that well. I think you have to me you flipped down a little bit.

I think you should stop talking now okay. Uh oh. Someone s the little sore. You sitting on your doughnut huh.

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Show of hands. Who wants to live in a world where stanley has two lovers and you don t have any who else come on people i know models plus size models maybe models are you kidding me models okay guys like him only got models if they have money or drugs or if they also date guys because models like that do you mind if i smoke in here pam and her baby and i m still alive. I have a new lease on life if death can t stop me from dating. Neither can my mother nurse hi.

Again so everything s okay then no no i don t think i mentioned. Oh like we just put like a bigger diaper on the diaper because i m much better at diapering you have to swaddle. But it s what we do in the hospital. So we should um.

It s what we do here so yes swaddle again it s your decision. It s it s just what we do in the hospital. Did you swaddle your children oh. I don t have children okay.

But you did um. I might try it both ways see what works best so we should try it both ways and then see what works better what s the other way well swaddling is what we do in the hospital. Okay okay. Thank you okay still want the baby to sleep.

In here. Yes. No yes. The swaddling things done now so we re okay by the way.

She hasn t passed me mark you neum in a while meconium yeah exactly and you re also with the car seat yes car seats right there bottom part needs to go in the car newsflash the whole thing needs to go in the car. I have no idea what i strapped inside the back seat in my car. ” ..

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