Finland Doesn t Exist (Conspiracy Theory)

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“Finland doesn t exist. Let s talk about that funky electronic music fire crackles good good mythical morning. I m gonna level with you nright off the bat link. I sitting on something huge not literally.

But you re about to be nblown away literally because i m about to open a nwindow and let the frosty air of truth rattle the bones nof. The sleeping lemmings strewn across the globe nso comfortably tucked into their warm sheets of ignorance and when you wake don t nbother wiping the crust from your eyes because i ve nalready taken that crust and i ve eaten it and i ve liked it it s time for another nedition of hard truth yay. We ve all heard of finland. Nthat.

Quaint little country nestled between sweden. And russia with the beautiful northern nights. And the famously low crime rate. Well.

There s actually a good reason. That finland s crime rate is so low it s because finland doesn t exist finland doesn t exist. I m actually interested in this what are you going to npresent to convince me link i need you to ndirect attention to my map okay n. There s my map great map rhett.

I can see it has finland on it. This is traditionally where npeople think that finland is but i m here to tell nyou that it isn t just that finland isn t a country. I m here to expose the fact that there is absolutely no land between nrussia and sweden at all link. That s your finland.

Right there boy here s the underlying ntruth you need to know don t call me boy. You know what do call me boy just get through with it man you want me to call you man get on with it in the cold war era njapan and the soviet union worked together to spread the nlie that there was a land mass known as finland between nthe soviet union and sweden. And you might ask why did they do this why did they do this n. Great question link.

They did it so they could nkeep all the good fishing between the soviet union nand. Sweden to themselves the fish would then be shared and shipped all the way across the ntrans siberian railway metal clatters you broke that it was worth it you see link they nget the fish from here they ship it to japan on nthe trans. Siberian railway. And in case.

That s tough to follow. I brought a visual aid objects clattering link you know what those are called swedish fish n. Swedish fish i couldn t find swedish nslash russian fish which would be called swussian fish so just so you would remember you can feel free to eat. Those.

Thank you n. And speaking of candy popular culture would have nyou believe that the so called finnish. People can t get nenough of a candy known as salmiakki. Which is some nsort of super salty licorice.

We ve had it on the show before link..


Why don t you have some more of this have some candy cause. I m already eating this well. It s time to nmove on boy chuckles let s enjoy this together. Why don t we puh mm mm.

What do you think about that this is absolutely horrible. I thought you would say that but the experience has nbeen great up to this point. I thought you might say nthat. But you know what personally i love this i love it so much that i ncould finish the entire bag you could what finish coughs the entire bag and listen ni know that s weird.

I know it s weird that i like these nobody liked this stuff so nyou expect me to believe that there s a whole nnation full of nothing. But people like me out. There. Do you know what a country full nof mes would even look like let me tell ya for starters.

It would nbe a land of giants and these giants would be nof superior intelligence. Okay n. All of them genius giants n. Oh.

Lord and every genius giant would be assigned a personal assistant. A personal assistant that nwas a little shorter wore glasses have salt and pepper hair. And was quite possibly not a genius. Oh and everything would be made of wood the ground the mountains.

The lakes. All those little assistants nwould stare in amazement at all the wood and they would say plus. There would be nthousands of prisons filled with nothing. But cats nand.

The national dish would be anything because nthere would be no picky eaters it almost goes without nsaying that a perfect nation. Like this does not exist you got any questions link. Actually yeah. I have nplenty of questions and you know what i have the answers and i don t even need nto.

Hear the questions. No the finnish people naren t in on the conspiracy. They think they re from finland. But they actually live in neastern.

Sweden. Western russia and northern estonia. Other governments around nthe world. Now go along with the conspiracy nbecause.

The idea of finland..


Has become a utopian ideal nfor every other country to aspire to n. Whip cracks. All the gps and satellite nimages are forged and finally why did they ndecide to call. It finland.

Well. I think we all know nthe answer to this one map. Clatters. Mysterious electronic music.

Finland. Foolish ignoramuses nnaively living on earth will never discover our little secret. I think we can safely ndeclare this theory is true and just end the episode now thanks for liking ncommenting and subscribing. Um clears throat.

Really as much as i would love nfor this episode to be over at this point. I m not convinced i believe in finland. You still think that nfinland is a country sorry well have a look at this here s the church here s the steeple open it up and take a nlook at this sheeple a simple twitter search yielded nthis from user 4vflower. The country of finland doesn t exist oh okay now you re onto it.

But what else does 4vflower know well right after that tweet nhe or she cryptically tweeted. A rather disturbing. Nphoto and kids at home. You re not gonna wanna.

Look. At this link take a look at this link a snowman that nwasn t made properly if you still have an appetite well. I m gonna ask you to chew on this a simple reverse google. Nimage search of this dark and twisted illustration ntells us that it s from the 2017.

Michael fassbender nthriller. The snowman easel. Number two we had to invest in a second neasel. So he could do this this is the movie nposter for the snowman direct your attention towards link all right i m nlooking at it already mister police.

You could have saved her i gave you all the clues. The clues. The clues what clues 4vflower is what you might ask if i had not already figured this out for you the snowman is based on the novel by the same name written by jo nesbo. Who jo nesbo and guess.

Where jo nesbo is from finland n. No. Norway. But nesbo did win a special commendation for excellence in foreign crime.

Writing from the finnish academy of crime writers..


And now why would a ncountry that doesn t exist need an academy of crime writers. Well. I wanted to find out so. I called this supposed academy in nfinland and this is the answer that i got n.

You called them yes computer voice announcement welcome to verizon wireless long. Distance or international ndialing is not included with your service to inquire about adding long distance or international dialing nhang up and dial 611 send from your wireless phone. The plot thickens link you need to change your plan. Okay now let me wrap this in every.

Way n. Let me wrap. This conspiracy theory. Nay conspiracy.

Fact up with a few final pieces nof. Damning evidence you ever seen the nso called finnish language. I can t say that i have well link. When you google oh n.

Longest word in the finnish language. Nthis is what comes up and i know what you re thinking. That s not a word that s the nsound your butt cheeks make when you go down a water slide naked link chuckles. The people behind this fake language.

Say the word s definition is someone who is an aeroplane jet turbine nmotor assistant mechanic. A non commissioned officer in training and if you believe that nis an actual profession. I ve got a bridge to sell nyou and it s a bridge that connects russia with sweden over the water that s there you remember there s water. There.

There s not a country now this part is where i nreally start to lose my cool. Because the powers that be the masterminds behind this conspiracy. They ve become so confident that we ll just believe nwhatever fantastical facts of finnish fancy they ndream up that frankly. It s getting insulting for instance.

Am. I supposed to nbelieve this local news story about helsinki reporter. This recently nopened burger king in helsinki. Features.

An in store spa. Complete with sauna shower nroom locker room and lounge. Customers can sit in the sauna in nothing. But burger king branded towels and robes or they can watch tv play nvideo games and relax reporter it s burger nking not a resort a burger king with a sauna in it this is completely unnecessary.

If you re eating at a burger king..


You ve already got the meat. Sweats or how about this link you re actually starting to make sense when you get a phd in finland. You also get a top hat and a sword. You know what this is nshorter than what i m used to chuckles that s not the top hat.

I m used to hey look at me. I m a finnish doctor. I m gonna cut out your ntonsils with my sword by the way tonsils are also fake. But that will be a separate episode.

Now finally what ncountry would be complete without an official coat of arms those shady international nstring pullers sat back stroked their little nchin hairs and thought of the perfect way to troll us all with a perfect subliminal coat of arms check it out link actually that s another nposter of jo nesbo. I have a lot of those check out this coat of arms link. Oh wow. N.

The finnish coat of arms. Is comprised of a lion that nappears to be stabbing himself in the face. And laughing a lion. A lyin hello.

They been lyin to us since the cold war and laughing in our faces about it and it s been right there non their coat of arms. The entire time this coat of arms might as nwell be a giant middle finger taking a dump somebody give me some salmiakki. Oh here it is right next to me. I m inspired by this if you know what i mean crew chuckles thanks for liking ncommenting and subscribing.

You know what time it is i m tyler. I m beth n. I m elena i m hudson n. And this is rhett and we are in lapland finland.

Nat. Santa. Claus village together and it s time to nspin the wheel of mythicality mythicality n. Woo they appear to be in finland.

Chuckles crew laughs it s okay man. It s okay you didn t name him after me. I know it s a common name it just nhappens every once in awhile. If you wanna watch ellie.

Nand christine explain their conspiracy theory about nkhloe kardashian s real father in good mythical more click the top link and to find out where the wheel of mythicality s gonna land wanna watch our tour of mythicality suit yourself the tour of mythicality nspecial is available now on youtube itunes namazon and a wide variety ” ..

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