I Opened an Internet Cafe that Ends Lives – Internet Cafe Simulator

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“So we re checking out the only game. Where you get to use your business business degree to make money that you can spend on drugs and hookers. It s cafe simulator. This is also the only game that has unskipable horn music in the starting screen.

Less. Unskipable porn music. Dammit. An internet cafe simulator.

You play. A young entrepreneur. Who wants to open up an internet cafe to make money i want to open up an internet cafe for its true purpose to slowly kill people trust. Me.

If i know anything about this developer. I know there s a way to do this i tried to think about a place to name the cafe. Where people go to die. And yes.

I know florida was the thing that came to mind. This is the hotel room that you rented for this is already off to a fantastic start. Oh. God.

The mouse sensitivity. Killed. Me. So.

This is actually a pretty good. Hotel. Room. There s no dead bodies in here.

There is a random picture of a cat. I don t know if this is something that we take around with us or if this came with the hotel room moment of truth can you use the toilet you can not negative ten points. What the hell what kind of hotel is this why is there a cat fetish. In this hotel.

Like a six foot picture of the cat ah hd campbell s pulled right off of the internet. This is fine. Though will subside on 12 day old doughnuts and refrigerated bread all right where s florida at i want to retire and die. I appreciate that one of the symbols in this game is the nudie girl symbol.

There has to be a strip club in this game. Oh sweet christ. What the hell is this oh. This is some top tier npc work right here.

This guy. Over. Here. Is doing the thriller.

Oh. He s going toward florida. Now it makes total sense. I couldn t have asked for a better place kotte this looks like a friggin slum.

You got a hobo joe over here stumbling around you ve got the pawn shop. That s pawning like tvs from 1989. What the what the hell. Why did i just teleport on top of the okay well it didn t take me too long in the game to figure out how to fly this is new and exciting heads up lady well well well.

I should have made this place herpes. It looks like you get blood poisoning just coming inside..


What the hell baseball bat do you just is this what you do to unruly people inside of your establishment. You wouldn t hit an old man would you don t come any closer princess jasmine. I told you look at her face please don t even care all right i ve had my i ve had my fun beating the living shit out of people come on kick. That s a twofer don t mind me i m just creating up what the hell happen to that guy s assets.

Oh jesus anyway back over in florida. What s the temperature in here. How dwight there we go warm sounds good to me. I ve got like ten thousand dollars in unfair attacks in case anyone was.

Wondering. 14 human lives in this place is worth right around 9500. I m not paying that you know the city planning of a place is perfect when they put their exit door right in front of a brick wall. I think the best part about florida is that we have the outhouse and the garbage can right next to us.

So the first thing that you get as you enter to play your grand theft auto or whatever is the scent of burning fecal material. How does a broom wait do i have to use this can i just can i just leave this like this i just want my play i want this place to look as bad as possible people are only going to come here for me to kill them anyway whoa look at this you can get better walls or floors or ceilings. I don t know about you. But i d like my business to maintain the aesthetic that when you come in you may lose a kidney.

Okay. What the hell you get all your led screens. And then there s one here from like 1982 just got pop ups. There s pop ups in the king.

What is this i just get my computer act in the. Game you can buy someone like a 2100. Chair or a 99 plastic like lawn chair. They re getting the lawn chair.

So how do you open the amazons really upping its game with the dimensional boxes. If you want to play this game you have to do it on top of the pizza boxes. There we re open for business. You bastards.

We have one game that i open up my plastic chair there we go okay i know it s like an 800 cost. But i have to know yeah. All the way no no no ma. am ma.

am go back go back to the hall of fame. I want you all to know something. The homeless guy s life is worth nothing. So how s the pathing in this game.

Work well people play the game. If you put them like this don t you come in to florida. You bastard all right man let me see how you get past this issue. Keep trying eventually i appreciate that she s playing on this video game.

But her animations are for a goddamn invisible cell phone. If i get an air conditioner can i make it hotter in here. You can put the air conditioner. So that it s like halfway through the dough.

What the hell whatever wow. We got three stars over here on yelp. It says you should try the game machines. I pay for it and ice it but they say to get out of the computer.

By force was just a homeless guy the cafe owner beat up a defenseless homeless person i ll do it again there must be nothing to do in this town this place looks like cancer and people keep coming in here. It s ladies like man this decoration is incredible look at the face. I had a good time did you have a good time playing the video games or did you have a good time getting herpes. When you stepped inside of my establishment.

What the hell is going on over here sweet baby. Jesus you can adjust the prices of all the food well this is embarrassing everyone can walk through my air conditioner..


But me i m not gonna lie this guy looks like he s on meth. He looks like he escaped from a mental institution or he made me a zombie. I m not really sure a hugh jackman. How you doing having an epileptic seizure.

Yeah since we had a fantastic day of making people s dreams come true. It s time to hit the nudie bar. Oh. It s complete with terrible nudie bar music in it.

What the hell. Oh huh. Well. It s confirmed.

Just like t. Rex s strippers can sense movement. I m not gonna lie this guy s fashion sense is next here. He s turned the opacity on his hat down to zero somehow.

These are the most depressed looking bastards. I ve ever seen they re having a conversation. The one guy s like hey you know it would be great and this guy s like what and he s like if i died right now his eyes aren t even okay. I will say the game 100.

Got. The dead lifeless eyes of the dancers. Down pat press. E.

For a special show. 100 this better not be something i have to delete off of youtube. I tell you some days. I like to come in and sit down in my chair and watch a stock unity girl do a stock unity dance in front the way this game prices stuff.

I have to ask myself if this was worth five doughnuts. I don t think it was okay today only first three customers get a free baseball bat beating. Where s my baseball bat the last time i saw it i was killing a homeless person with it now it s gone internet cafe fees all of them nice were up to twenty seven point five degrees. Oh.

There it isn t left. It under a pizza box. All right. Yeah.

Ma. am. Right over. Here.

Have some fun. There. You go. Now.

That you ve paid now technically she died inside of my store. So do i still have to pay for her life. Damn it got a one star review they hit me when i was not guilty i want to see if i can get my rating. All the way down by just beating the hell out of everyone.

And i buy this kitchen. Oh hell yeah. This place looks legit it smells like urine and cocaine where can i buy human beings at workers sounds good. This is the most amazing chef character model.

I ve ever seen in my life. It s just a sad broken man and they ve managed to rig a terrible looking hat on top of him on top of his head..


Oh hey. Ashley. 92. Wants to talk to us.

I like that this one guys playing the arcade game. And this other guys playing this guy sniffles. Hey. We re giving out free hamburgers.

If you pick it up off the floor. It s yours i get more air conditioners can i make it even hotter give me all the air conditioners you could spend all your money on hookers. But i prefer to spend all my money on air conditioners to make things as uncomfortable as possible for everyone to get colder is down to 21 degrees. How cold can i get it put down an ice table you can buy fake reviews for your business can i buy batteries more air conditioners.

Okay. Now this place is starting to look like a proper florida home god this game. Even has that friggin alarm ring. I feel like i m back in high school good morning uncentered depressed cat.

How did you sleep. I don t wanna do this anymore. Great yeah. None of us do what the hell.

What does my my cooking never goes home. He just stays here tony. Where s it today. I bought this guy permanently.

He s mine your life belongs to me good. Sir don t worry though. I gave you like a nine inch tv. That doesn t work sales gun.

Ma. am are you worth anything. What the hell. Am.

I. What is this the power of love. It s like the care bear stare. That s how we find out it s a house that is straight up house house.

I m sorry man. I love you so much i can t let you leave you ever seen the movie misery sleep sleep. Oh my god his neck sleep forever sweet prince today. Our department will perform a routine inspection of your workplace.

Oh hey william that dead body go ahead and make sure that we get rid of everything everything. William right william took care of the body. I m beating the hell out of people with baseball bats reviews. Very pleasant place these must have been the reviews.

I thought all right clearly no one s buying these goddamn hamburgers can i use this to keep you from leaving like if i put it right. There. There we go. Oh yeah.

That s totally not glitch. Tastic. Yes. You ll be spending.

The rest of your life. Here madam..


Now get your ass back over by the arcade games. All right i m seeing if i can trap these guys in there so they can t leave i managed to get a tuber right there congratulations you now know the truth about internet cafes their entire purpose is to have you spend the rest of your life. Within their confines. Oh jesus christ.

I have created something horrifying a daisy duke stop screwing with my table. It s corralling. All the humans. There s the police.

What do you think of my establishment. Mr. Police officer everything seems to be legit right william is in the back over there making delicious nondescript meat burgers people can t leave. He s like that looks fine to me.

Oh god this is getting better and better hold on i need to i need to buy another table whatever whichever table it doesn t matter whatever one can get here. The quickest. This is truly florida no one can ever leave like teleport. What they ve outsmarted a couple of my bear a cage this guy s giving up.

He s gone back to playing on the video king oh. Oh. We re making some horrible. Things happen right in the holy hell.

Happen his head weave glitched out some of the characters his head. It s like 17 inch. It s backwards. Oh my god i need to buy more stuff allah give me all these chairs there we go hey went back to playing.

He actually can t believe. I was powering his way out you son of a bitch. There s no way you could do it. He s got two tables.

He s got the arcade game boy it s destroying the entire job you boys ai. N t going anywhere gray needs. More burger meat. There s a thief trying to steal something.

But he never accounted for going up against grace still plays our chef is like grad just came up with a fantastic concept glow in the dark burgers. People will love them got a half life of 10 years god. It s like a cursed image. Once you see it you can t unsee.

It it s one point six degrees. What what what model of terminator. Are you okay yeah come on in yeah. Just levitate.

Right through all my shit. No big deal. Well we did it we made a business where people can come in and the only thing that they do is spend money until they die. If the cold won t kill you and the human meat burgers won t kill you there s always the bad of destiny.

The bad of destiny. Just removed all of the assets to the ceiling and the floor of the game. I think i ve broken this one enough for today. Hey folks hope you enjoyed this episode on christ s sit down of internet cafe simulator till.

” ..

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