ALT.CAPTIONS :: Articles :: Janet's Star Trek Voyager Site

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alternative picture captions by Janet

screenshots by Janet

NOTES
The latest is at the top.
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Page 2 has a selection of alt.captions which appear elsewhere on site.

"I'm gonna sneeze- Here it comes! No, it's gone.... Oh, here it comes again!"

"That's torn it. Hey, help me, I really need a nail-clipper!"

Janeway: "You're right, Doctor, he does have a hilariously funny-shaped skull."

"Tuvok, why're you so good at playing tug-of-war?! I'm clinging onto this rail and I'm still sweating!"
"Because Vulcans have superior strength and do not sweat unless the temperature reaches 350 degrees Kelvin, with a humidity factor at approximately-"
"Forget it. You win!"

Vulcan strength and sweating conditions. Scroll to read. Because planet Vulcan has a higher gravity than Earth, and its atmosphere is thinner, Vulcans in an Earth-normal environment demonstrate greater physical strength (see canon source Encyclopaedia, entry 'Vulcans'). Vulcan sweating conditions are given in [#145 The Haunting Of Deck Twelve].

Given the amount of fans' interest in Janeway's changing hairstyle, surely the Captain herself does not think too much or too often about her hair? Three alt.caption pictures follow.

Janeway's hair #1

Janeway's hair #2

Janeway's hair #3

Note ref. JANEWAY'S HAIR #3. Scroll to read it. The caption is of course wordplay on "Today is a good day to die." which is established in [TNG] as a Klingon exhortation or battle cry. In [#127 Dragon's Teeth] the Vaadwaur male named Morin tells Torres: "The Klingons are a noble race. 'Today is a good day to die.' Kahless, your greatest warrior, that was his battle cry."

Doctor: "And that, ladies, is why you should never play with glue."

Maje Culluh: "My hairstyle requires this much hair gel."

Kim: "Just take the picture!"

Kes: "This revolutionary new bra lifts and separates, even in zero gravity."

The crew gamely enter Neelix's Rear Of The Year Competition.

Tom: "Fine, but I think depilatory cream is safer than a bat'leth."

Janagram. Scroll to read it. DEPILATORY CREAM anagrams into CLEARED YO' ARMPIT That Janagram (Janet anagram) was posted to the alt.anagrams newsgroup in approx. 2000.

The longest ever piece of spaghetti finally breaks and disappears.

"That's my third battleship you've sunk."

Tuvok: "And ninthly..."

Doctor: "Those love poems are er...unfinished. THESE are your medical test results."

Janeway: "'I'm a little teapot, short and stout.
           Here's my handle and here's my spout.'"

Chakotay's situation report goes on longer than usual.

"Janet! Can't a man have a pee without you taking a picture?!"

Janet abandons her camera and flees.
Chakotay: "And don't come back!"

In [#171 and #172 Endgame], Crewman Chell submits a sample menu, hoping to take over from Neelix as ship's cook.

Later in the episode:
Janeway wishes she hadn't had Chell's Red Alert Chili.

Admiral Janeway: "I don't care if it IS your birthday - I'm not kissing you."

Thinks: "Phew, that was close!"

Woman thinks: "If Neelix dares tickle me under the arm, I'll drop this on him!"

Seven: "Have you heard the one about-?"
Janeway thinks: "Oh dear, she's had another of the Doctor's social lessons."

Chakotay: "Sorry, Janet! Thought you'd taken the picture."

Janet: "Thanks. THIS one came out fine."

Doctor: "And then Vulcans say: Live long and prosper."

Janeway practices the Vulcan salute.

No, no. Why not ask Tuvok how to do it?

Tuvok: "You have nearly got 'live long'.
Spread your first and second fingers for 'and prosper'."

Janeway: "About this love bite of yours-"
Chakotay, puckering up: "Yes? Want another?"

Janeway checks that she hasn't turned into a Klingon.

Mr Tash: "These human drinks 'regular' and 'decaff.' - are they good for my spots?"

Janeway will have much to think about as Chakotay had never spanked her bottom before.

"Prompter, whose line is it?"

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